Mommy-Baby Bonding

There is no doubt in my mind that our adopted children have had rough starts in life meaning that at some point in their life they go through many losses before they eventually make it to our arms. It can bring incredible sadness if you take the time to stop and think about it or you can channel that energy in a productive and loving way that will help to bring you and your child closer together because you have bonded and finally given them a foundation to build their relationship with you on. I wrote on this very topic almost a year ago, and my sentiments remain the same. I encourage you to read my other post before proceeding with this post just so that you can truly understand my heart on the subject of bonding with your adopted child.

Dennis immediately bonded with John. I think it has much to do with John being a fun, loving guy who all kids like to be around...... especially the ones that are near and dear to his heart like his children. The fact that John is the first male figure in his life that appears strong, protective, yet nurturing may play another part. And don't forget that it was John who took Dennis from the orphanage and spent those first few days with him. At that point, John was his whole world.

I also think that because Dennis has had so many women caretakers in his life, it is hard to discern that I am anyone different. This lack of initial bonding with Dennis on his part doesn't bother me in the least because I recognize it for what it is, and I am grateful that Dennis' face lights up when John is in the room...... proving that Dennis can easily bond with someone. It just simply means that I have to show him that my love for him is safe, nurturing, always providing and something that he can count on no matter what.

How does a parent do that, one may ask? I for one believe that physical touch plays a HUGE role. Not only holding and rocking your child....... I am talking about nurturing through pats on the back, foot massages, stroking your child's head, and rubbing their belly. And taking baths with your child. This shouldn't come across as anything but what it actually is----- a mom and her young child bathing together so that her baby could lay on her stomach and have some skin on skin contact just like they would have had together had this child been born from her. With each of my biological kids, the doctor or midwife immediately set my naked child on my stomach so that we could have instant skin on skin contact and start the mother-child bond. The feelings of immeasurable love for my child filled me up.... I was addicted. I'm sure that babies feel the same kind of love through the same kind of intimacy. Should Dennis have any less of a relationship with me just because he is adopted? I don't think so.

Dennis really loved me rubbing his back as he splashed in the water. He even trusted me enough to lean back on me and let the water surround his whole body. As I gently scrubbed his cradle cap and cleaned behind his ears, I knew that he was getting physical touch that he had never felt before. Children in orphanages rarely get baths, nor do they get this kind of one on one attention. Dennis ate it up and I trust that his bond to me is that much stronger.

*Warning*
I'm not sure why I decided to post this picture..... I feel very vulnerable to ridicule because of how it can be construed...... but nonetheless I felt that for those who truly can understand my heart, it is worth it if they can find it helpful with their own adopted child in any way. So please, if you find this picture to be disgusting, sexual, or inappropriate please refrain from leaving a comment.