Let me start off by saying that I really have enjoyed reading all of your questions. Some of them had to do with what happened to Dennis and while they were quite personal, I appreciate how delicately you approached the subject. Honestly, I expected you to ask, and I will try to answer as honestly as I can while keeping private the things that I think he will have wanted me to keep private out of respect for him.
This is the post where I will probably share more info about myself and my family then in any other post I have written before, and you probably will get bored before you finish reading, but I nonetheless have promised myself that I will share with you all the answers to your questions. I smiled more than once when I read some of your comments and I am thankful that just when I think that my post is baring my soul a little too much, I can lighten it up by sharing what my favorite flavor of ice-cream is. Thanks, Christie.
Here goes.
About us
It didn't take John and I long before we eloped to Tahoe in December, 1993. We are living proof that opposites do attract and over time we have come to compliment each other------ the secret to our successful marriage. That, and our mutual love for the Lord who we both came to accept and adore in 1996, and there you have the explanation why we will both love each other until death do us part. John and I both feel passionate that I should stay home with the kids, and he provides for all us as a Director of Supply Chain in the fruit and juice business out here in California. We both just celebrated birthdays last month------ I am 33, he is 39.
Did we always want this large of a family? No. What I mean by that answer is that we didn't sit down before marriage and discuss kids or how many either of us both wanted. It is amazing that for the most part, we are both happy about the size of our family. That is what I mean by us complimenting each other. Through our love for the Lord we have both tried to stay in tune with each others desires and we have both come to realize that children are a gift from God. Honestly, I think that something that happened in my past has kept my desire to have more children going, and I thank God that my husband has not been able to find a good reason to quench my desire. We both mutually felt led to adopt after the Asian Tsunamis struck in December 2004, and we have been blessed with the the uniqueness as to how our family has been knit together.
Sadly, I think that John feels our family is now complete..... me on the other hand (and I am sure that some people will not be too pleased to read this)would love to fill up our van. As far as what the future holds.... we'll just have to wait and see. One thing is for sure....... we both agree that Dennis will be keeping us busy for awhile.
I really enjoy driving my fifteen passenger van, and yes I have become quite good at it. My three point turns are actual three point turns now instead of seven and I rarely bump the cars in front of me when I am trying to park (just kidding). We listen to homemade Cds--- that way there is a little of what everyone likes and for the most part we get from point A to point B with me only having to yell once or twice. ;).
As far as getting the kids ready for school or when we have to go somewhere...... they are really good about that. My kids are very responsible and nine times out of ten, they wake me up in the morning.... even on school days. We always make it to first service at our church and my kids are never late to school just because. I admit that I am strict.... no dilly-dallying when it is time to get ready to go somewhere........ we don't put any emphasis on a long fancy beauty regimen. It should only take 31 minutes to get ready in the morning...... five to get dressed, one to fix your bed, ten to brush your teeth, go potty, and do your hair, five to pack your lunch, and five to ten to eat breakfast. Really, if they can't get ready in the morning in 31 minutes or less then that means that they are still tired evidenced by how slow they are moving and should probably go to bed early that night and probably for the rest of the week for that matter, until they can move a little faster in the morning. This may sound strict, but it is what we are all used too, and it works for our family.
Oh, and I think I'm a plain old chocolate ice-cream kind of girl. A bowl late at night eaten next to my husband in bed while watching Letterman is heavenly.
Our Faith
Our family attends the First Baptist Church in our community. You can read all about it here. We both love the Lord and put him at the top of our marriage. We are like a triangle in a three way relationship with John and I at the base of the triangle. As we get closer to God, we move up the triangle, and as a result we become closer to one another.
My Motivation for adopting Dennis
Clear and simple. I absolutely love the joy that children bring. I can no longer have children biologically and yet have never felt done growing my family. I believe that God closed one door and opened another. I cannot explain the desire that God has put into my heart to have so many children......... I guess it would be like someone trying to explain why they feel that having three children is perfect for them. I think that our amazing God lays different things on each of our hearts and that none of us is made to think and feel the same. While I have come to accept that not everyone will understand nor support my feelings on having a large family, I know that it isn't their opinion that I have to care about.
I just do not want to put a box around God and say that we shouldn't have more children just so that we will fit into society. I do not like the excuses, that I can't save the world so I should stop trying. I am not trying to save the world. I do not want to limit what God wants to accomplish through our family. I truly believe that he will satisfy my desire to have children when his plan for our family size is complete. Why wouldn't he? I know tons of people who feel their family is complete and wouldn't even contemplate adding another child to their family. I wanted to adopt Dennis because I do not yet feel that way.
As far as his special needs...... I also feel that by demanding a a perfectly healthy child, I am putting a box around what God wants to accomplish through us. I am so thankful that he laid Dennis on my heart because I know that there are many blessings to come by having this precious child in our lives. I think of how imperfect I am and how devastated I would be had my family and friends chosen to not make me a part of their lives.
I personally enjoy getting to be a part of each of my child's lives and cannot think of doing anything more meaningful in life than to help raise a child that God has entrusted me to temporarily raise and take care of in this short amount time that we are here on earth. Sure, my children will not get as many material things growing up that other children in smaller families will get and we very well may struggle to put them all through college, but I do know that they will grow up having been exposed to family values that will be helpful in raising their own families someday with added patience, humility, tolerance, responsibility, compassion, and knowledge that family is where the heart of everything lies.
James 1:27 (New International Version)
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
About Dennis
Dennis is from the Antoshka orphanage in Kramatorsk in the Donetsk region of Ukraine. He is almost 22 months old but reminds me more of a 12 month old because of his size and lack of stimulation and freedom to interact with other children. He spent the first fourteen months of his life in a hospital. I truly believe that he will continue to catch up by leaps and bounds like we have already seen and that in no time he will be developmentally on target except for his speech. Now I may be completely wrong so don't hold me to this..... but regardless we will always love him to pieces.
As far as Dennis' medical conditions.... we are truly in the dark at this point. In the beginning we were told that his eye and scarring were do to a tragic accident resulting in his mother's parental rights being terminated but have since been told that his injuries happened naturally while he was in the womb. One of the doctors that I contacted went as far as to say that his injuries were caused my facial clefts or amniotic banding. Either way, we saw a very young baby picture of him with his eye the way it is now so we know he has been this way for most if not all of his life. John and I are hopeful that he has some sight in his right eye and might be a candidate for an eye transplant, but we just really don't know. He appears to have a cleft palate that makes eating hard for him---- everything has to be pureed. Of course, we are planning on doing all that we can to help Dennis as soon as possible so that he can live a more normal life and have a less shocking appearance. While it is not necessary that he have any operation to alter his appearance in order for us to be his proud parents, I do think that Dennis would appreciate having a softer first impression as he gets older.
He will most likely need numerous surgeries, and while we don't have the details worked out yet, we have faith that God will work out the logistics in order for us to provide for all of his medical needs. We do have both of our parents that live fairly close, and John's job is very flexible, and our church family and friends always amaze me how they faithfully step up to help when the need calls for it. I don't want to take anything for granted but I do trust that God will carry us through all of this.
Juggling the dynamics of a large family
As far as juggling the needs of all the other children---- I just do it. It is not a big thing---in fact I take care of my children in exactly the same way moms of smaller families take care of theirs--- what choice is there? I do however, find shortcuts that make our lives easier, like always having two of the older kids go to the dentist at the same time where I can just drop them off and have them look out for each other while I run errands and then I swing back by and pick them up when they are done. Little things like that, and really it is not that hard. My son's monthly trip to the orthodontist has been combined with visiting my mom and doing a Costco run. I try to schedule trips to the doctor to coincide with my other son's trips to the dermatologist.
While Dennis in my mind is a healthy little boy I am not kidding myself either. I know that he has special needs and will require numerous medical appointments, surgeries, occupational therapy, and not to mention speech therapy. But that isn't new to me. Four of my other children have or had IEPS with the same types of services. My husband and I have learned to advocate for our children and feel confident that Dennis will receive all of the services he needs to do well in school come time he is ready for kindergarten.
Ukraine
As far as how we were received in Ukraine... I think that went really well. We always made our desire to adopt Dennis regardless of his "imperfections" clear to everyone we met. Sure we got many questions, but once they knew our hearts and intentions, we both felt really comfortable around all of the officials. Were people shocked when we told them we had 10 kids? Of course, but after being in Ukraine and seeing how much more difficult it is to raise kids there compared to here, I can understand why. Most places aren't stroller-kid friendly with ramps and such. Many tall apartment buildings do not have elevators. Unless you find the hole in the wall stores like John and I ventured out to find and are okay with buying less than name brand things for your baby, raising one child in Ukraine is very expensive, let alone ten. We take so many for granted here in America that makes raising a child a breeze compared to raising a child in another country.
Court went well---lasted about an hour. Naturally we were asked lots of questions about our family, home, job, ability to provide for another child, and motivation to adopt a child with special needs, but we never felt like our answers might not be good enough. It really seemed as if the judge was just making sure to see if what was written in our dossier matched with what we said.
Gifts and medical needs
Yes, we have been blessed many times over with donations towards Dennis' adoption, but it never crossed my mind that some of you would be asking to send something once he was home. You guys are just amazing. Let me tell you. I am so thankful for all of your kind and encouraging words, prayers, and donations, that I feel like we have already been blessed more than one could ever imagine. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
(Amy, I got your package in the mail today. The overalls are adorable. I hope they fit Dennis. You are so very thoughtful....... I wish you were closer so that we could go out for coffee together. Will you please email me your blog again?)
As far as Dennis' medical costs, I am assuming that most of it will be covered by insurance, but if not, we will cross that path when we come to it. My husband is a wonderful provider and we are by no means poor, but I do not think we have thousands of dollars laying around for Dennis medical bills if they are not covered by insurance. However, again I do not feel that God would carry us this far and then leave us high and dry. I just have a feeling that God has amazing plans for this little one, and I trust that his needs will be met one way or another. No matter what happens, I will just always remind myself that he is better off in our family then he was back in the orphanage without anyone to truly love him. I believe that love in itself will prove to be some of the best medicine Dennis will ever get.
Our family
Thank God, our family has been supportive. Naturally we were met with some questions, but I have no doubt in my mind that they will all fall in love with Dennis once they meet him if they haven't already. :)
I have a wonderful relationship with my mother and she is a huge help to us. My in-laws are extraordinary. I have been truly blessed by my husband's parents and they are the most amazing grandparents to our children.
We have an amazing extended family as well, and they have all been very supportive.
Out in public
As I close, I do want to address how I handle those odd and often times rude questions that people ask.
First off, not all people are rude. Many have been very complimentary and uplifting. But for those who have felt compelled to ask some off the wall comment....... I fantasize about giving them some off the wall response back.
"Are all of those kids yours?"
You don't know how many times I have been tempted to say, "No, are you kidding? I just like to go around and pick up all the neighbor kids when I go shopping so that I don't get lonely."
But I don't. And I try not to let it anger me. Honestly, I find their questions amusing and just try to answer as politely as possible. I always think of this as an opportunity to shine a light for Jesus.
