Saturday, November 10, 2007

From My Hubby


Hey everyone!

I’m not proud of this by ANY means, but this is my first "blog" for public consumption done compliant to my wife’s repeated request for my "father perspective" or my "husband’s perspective" which I guess previously she’s only had to speculate about. She asked me to spend just 15 minutes writing to you all today. And I think the topic was restricted for me to be about number eleven so here goes…

As most of you probably know we are planning to adopt, er have actually started to adopt, a young boy from the Ukraine!

Here are the natural, immediate questions which come to follow in ANYone’s mind…
Why???
Who???
When???
Totally Honest answers making for a quick blog are "Not sure", "Don’t know", and "Can’t say" respectively (or in any order for that matter!)…

So rely on Christine to fill you in with the details as she gets them!
Done.
Ok, bloggin is easy after all!

Shoot…this only burned 6 of my 15 minutes so I guess, with such a major undertaking, I should share better details of motivation/understanding of the process than that!

I’ll start with the "Why?"
Firstly, there is clearly the good husband motivation—Christine has extreme joy and interest and passion and expertise in helping other children--as well as in parenting our own. If I’m the supply chain manager at odwalla, she’s the Supply Chain Director at home! But for so much of the day now, the kids are away in school, and she (nearly) insanely, wants to do more! One role I have as a husband is to see that her life’s purpose and energy and vitality and joy never wane. Well it can, and will, diminish for anyone, any time one might be tempted to sit back, or rest on laurels, or think "I’ve done enough. Now, time for myself". I distinctly remember, when we went to Russia, that fear set in with Christine and she expressed regret and anguish about how she, realistically speaking, just ‘lost’ her normal life and perhaps reduced our marriage’s capabilities...Her scrap booking, or our restaurant dining, or our movie-going, or our quick getaways, hotels, etc, were destined to die/change with 8 kids then, and losing "all that" while wrestling with schools and new family dynamics maybe just was way too much for us, she expressed. But that’s what is cool about Christine…She was right!

Well there went my 15 minutes and my Dad just walked in. So I’ll pause…
Ok, he left, and I’ll resume…
Where was I? Oh yeah, Christine was right in saying that we got too much to handle on our own. (I think one life is too challenging to go it alone. And that a marriage, if left solely up to the whims and abilities of the two married parties, is also destined to be less than intended. And that any family with any number of parents or children is too much for that family if they look only internally for the secret for its success). Our family of 8 then and ten now and 11 later will be successful (whatever that means!) with the help of friends, grandparents, the community, the Church, and with God’s hand in all of that. Reliance beyond ourselves gives us great senses of relief and joy and community and thankfulness that bringing in another child is bound to repeat and amplify.

Secondly, there is the good Father motivation—I have 5 daughters that may be mothers some day. Four of them missed out on proper parental nurturing. Good parents are good examples and the best way to demonstrate and teach parental nurturing is with a baby—A baby that Christine and I will love and nurture as parents AND a baby that my other children will be able to see, and live, and participate in the nurturing process themselves as big sibs so that they will be far more skilled and aware when they eventually become parents.

Thirdly, there is clearly the good Samaritan motivation—we ALL see, or at least know, of many orphaned children in the world. So to see this and DO nothing, even if we FEEL compassion, is still DOing nothing, which in my book (and Book) is not right. And I understand the rebuttal that such an endeavor may leave me also doing nothing about AIDS, or widows, or literacy, or gluttony, or other things I see and know about. But no one can help all ills everywhere, so maybe folks must chose the ways they can help where they have skills or experience or gifts and capacity. All of which we have for orphans, so logically, this is the area of help where we chose to focus. As our family numbers grow, folks have crassly asked me, "You know you can’t save them all, don’t you?" And with the absence of joy in that truth, I acknowledge them--but I’m still convinced that what we will be doing for that one child is making a world of difference for him-- so having the compassion and capacity simply makes the action almost necessary.

And so that answers a few of the major whys, though there are doubtlessly others. Maybe when I have more time, I will write more about the whos and whens.

--JR / Dad / Hubby

7 comments:

Connie said...

I'll give you a '10' for your first blog... and a (virtual) hug too. You know we are very proud of you and Christine as parents to those wonderful kids, you guys are doing a great job. Nevermind the ignorant who question your decisions - God gives you only what you can handle, right? Well, that's a different thing for everyone. You know what you can do - and it shows through your children. Your new son is a lucky little boy. We cannot wait to visit and meet him next year. Brian and Honor have gone through their videos and books to pick out some things to send to their new cousin. (Hope he will like Bob the Builder!) Lots of love from all of us, Connie

Nataliya said...

John, I just love your answers! I think you should blog more often :)

pearly1979 said...

I love this! Great job! Hope to hear more from you in the future! :)

Annie Kitching said...

I am really touched, and want my husband to read this!

Tami said...

Great job! You articulated so well what I think many adoptive dad's feel. Your little guy is going to be so blessed to have both you and Christine! :)

Wendy Norris said...

What a wonderful post. I am new to the blog and am just astounded and inspired by what I have read. God bless you as you bring another child in your family!

Sig said...

Wow good post, my husband wouldn't even know how to doitLOL!